Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
