He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
