This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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