Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
