Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
