Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
