that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
