dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
