this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
