I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I said "one day" and that day is not today
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
