he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
