this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
