Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
