I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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