I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
