tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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