Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
