Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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