You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
