what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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