Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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