When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
