It's like God shit irony all over that family
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
