k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
