I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
