just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
