I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
