just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize