I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
