you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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