I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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