toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize