Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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