Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
