did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
