He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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