I cut my penus on the lid.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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