Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sext me about skeletons
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
