every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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