so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
