Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
