I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
