Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
