Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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