Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
