This is not my ceiling
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
