I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize