he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
