Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
