I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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