woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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