hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
