I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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