I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize