Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
