I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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