I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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