I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
