i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
