It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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