I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
