I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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