sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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