just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
