so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
